


Why did I never tell you?

by TheBetterLookingTwin



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Feels, Gen, Johnlock - Freeform, Johnlock Feels, M/M, POV John Watson, POV Sherlock Holmes, Suicide, The Reichenbach Fall Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-28
Updated: 2016-10-28
Packaged: 2018-08-27 13:48:09
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8404012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBetterLookingTwin/pseuds/TheBetterLookingTwin
Summary: It has been a month since Sherlock committed a suicide and John is feeling very down. Will he get better or will he give up? Is Sherlock really dead?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is my first fanfic ever so please, be nice. English is not my first language so there might be some grammar mistakes but not big ones. Hope you enjoy!

"This phone call – it’s, er ... it’s my note. It’s what people do, don’t they – leave a note?"  
"Leave a note when?"  
"Goodbye, John."  
"No. Don’t." I begged, "No. SHERLOCK!"

He jumped. Time seemed to slow down as I watched him fall. Wind blew his black curls and I was just standing there, unable to do anything. Unprepared to what was coming. The pavement was getting closer and then it happened. Sherlock hit the ground. 

"No" I whispered in shock. That did not just happen.

I lost all my connection to the world. I didn't see or hear properly. All I could think of was to get to Sherlock and help him. Deep down I knew there was nothing I could do, but I had to try. As I rushed to Sherlock's body, it was already surrounded by people from the hospital. I said something about being his friend and the nurses let me to him. I took Sherlock's hand. No pulse. No pulse meant no heartbeat. No heartbeat meant dead.

My legs gave up under me and I fell to the ground. People dragged me away from him. Sherlock was rushed into the hospital and at that moment I had no idea that it was the last time I saw him.

Sherlock Holmes was gone.

After a month and weekly therapy, John had gotten nowhere. He was still in mild shock and being in Baker street was just pain. But if he left, it was even more painful so he stayed, sitting in his chair and staring at nothing. He hadn't eaten properly and had lost lots of weight. Mrs. Hudson was doing her best to help John but it wasn't working. John was in grief, the same questions rolling over and over again in his head: Why did Sherlock do this to me? What did I do wrong? Could I have said something? Did he know I cared about him more than anything else? If i had told him, would he have cared?

John's therapist told him to write everything out. Every feel, every word he wanted to say. John thought it might help, so he gave it a go.

"I will start with my feelings. I'm angry at him, but I also miss him. I feel lonely without him. He was the only person I have ever cared about. And now he is gone. Forever. I never got to know if he cared about me or was I just a flatmate. I cared about him. My heart is broken and I don't know if it can ever be healed again. This month has been the hardest of my life.  
Sherlock Holmes was the greatest man I have ever known. He had lots of enemies and many people disliked him. People called him freak. I never thought that way. He was extraordinary and intelligent human being. I might be the only one who misses him, but that is not my problem. My last wish is to let him know I loved him more than anything and nothing can make me change my mind. He is my best friend. Maybe more than that.  
Last thing I want to say is, that I am starting to give up. There's no point to live anymore. Sherlock was my everything and he's now in a better place. Maybe I should join him and be on the side of the angels."

A week later Sherlock Holmes arrives to 221B Baker Street. He wants to expain everything to John. He wants to apologize. As he enters the flat he calls for John. There is no answer. He starts to worry. He sees that his bedroom door is open. He hurries there and at the moment he enters the room he sees it. His worst nightmare. His best friend. Lying on the bed. Dry blood in his temple. Gun in the right hand and a note in the other. Sherlock realizes what he has done to John and breaks, crying over Johns cold body.  
"I am so sorry John. I didn't want this. P-please come back! I love you John! I-I need you! Please don't be dead..." Sherlock cries. 

He would never have guessed how much he loved John Hamish Watson and it hurts.

**Author's Note:**

> Woah that was full of feels! Did you like it? Or was it bad? Please leave comments and kudos! I read every comment and they really make my day. Thank you for reading :)


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